From childhood every little Bengali girl
is made to memorize the rhyme “bor asbe ekhuni niye jabe takhuni” (The groom
will come and take you away in a while) while the little boy is encouraged to
explore an imaginative and intellectual ‘brave new world’ through careless expeditions
and adventurous errands. The absurd discrimination is apparent in the rhymes
taught by parents and teachers. The girl is preoccupied with protecting her ‘chastity’
and ‘honour’ by observing ‘proper’ dress code and performing a mute role in the
tightrope of religion to maintain her ‘balance and calm’. She can be defined by
cautious movements as a limp seeking a crutch to hang on some ‘perpetual guard’
at any cost -- the only condition which earns her the ‘good girl’ image. Or some considerate fellows among them announce ‘Save the girl child
first because we need them ‘behind our bikes’, we can save tigers later’.
Women’s potential is basically in
her flawless womb which produces healthy male children. There are
countless reasons including safety, security of a girl child but most
importantly the financial and religious advantages that a boy child brings into
the family; which includes economic security in old age as the girl is 'socially appropriated' to
desert her parents after marriage and gradually it extends to embrace the world beyond death.
In Bengali families the rituals which begin with birth and continue upto death
exclusively prefer a male child. From Rakhi, Bhaiphonta (wishing well for a
brother by applying ), jamai sasthi (where the mother-in-law fasts and cooks
every (im)possible stuff for the son-in-law, Upanayan (thread ceremony) which
is reserved for a Brahmin male child, leading to the last rituals following the
funeral of his parents (along with that it calls for a sadistic situation when the
‘grievous’ assembly gorges on delicacies after ensuring the rigorous life of a
widow with their ‘sincere condolences’ by ‘chivalrously’ wiping off the ‘priceless’
‘ek chutki sindoor’ from the wife’s parting to signify the absence of all
colours. How pathetic is that!). Marriage needs mutual respect not a marital
stigma to symbolize that she is not a ‘virgin maiden’ anymore and it visually works
as a warning for other stray men, signaling not to fall for ‘another man’s
property’ till he is alive! why women only need to prove themselves faithful by
adorning signs and symbols.
My uncle used to invite me on some
occasions (as a privileged father of a male child) to help us out in such ‘crucial
circumstances’ where a brother is unavoidably needed to fulfill ritualistic
demands. I defied these traditions and tied Rakhi on my sister’s wrist, fought
for wearing jeans, played cricket and carom for a long time in a male dominated
zone, went for inter-school sports and yoga competitions. I reviewed all
marital rites from websites but can only find to my amazement that it is full
of nonsense like Kanyadan, lajahoma (offering puffed rice into the fire to
confirm that the parental tie is broken) etc under the hegemony of ‘self-proclaimed
upper caste’ Brahmins. Interestingly no boy should go through these rituals as
it is his ‘success story’ where he enters like a prince and yet some men
grumble that marriage ends their freedom. Marriage is one of the most important
decisions of my life where I shared the responsibility of taking initiative. My
husband is my best friend whom I married simply by signing the special marriage
act without rituals or unreasonable expenditure.
I am radical, right? Let it be. If the
society has no shame in systematically subjugating their women, why should I be
shy?
